Food For Thought

21-years-old, it signifies the start and an end. The start of adulthood, as exciting as it sounds, how much responsibility has then added to one's shoulder? The end of childhood and youth, how much of our childishness still remains? These are vital questions that one should be asking themselves. The change of identity itself means nothing more than a facade if it isn't accompanied by a paradigm shift that is reflected in one's thoughts and way of life. The concept is similar to accepting Christ/Baptism, which is nothing more than an event if one doesn't recognize their new identity! The start of a renewed life, do we live like renewed person that reflects God's glory? The end of the old life, have we really discarded our sinful way of life and persevere to change? Just a food for thought.

I really pray hard that God can show me how to conquer the trials that life has offered me, and help me to grow in Him. It's time to grow up and see life in a bigger perspective I guess! We tend to sit around and wait for people to babysit us, whether is it spiritual feeding or emotional needs. When we are a child, our parents feed us milk; when we grow up, we leave behind the days of being fed and learn how to feed ourselves. Some of us are long past the infant age yet still sitting there waiting for people to babysit us, always complaining and criticizing, asking why the babysitters aren't babysitting them. Sometimes I do find myself guilty of that too! It's time to grow up! We should be responsible for our life, and all the more shall we be responsible for our spiritual life. We can't always wait for things to happen and to be spoon-fed! We have to learn to think big start small, positively and bravely seek after what we really want to accomplish. I seek to bring edification to lives of people I love, may the grace and love of God shower upon all of them.

Consecutive Nightmares

Recently, I haven't been resting well. I had nightmares in 3 consecutive days, or maybe nightmare isn't exactly the appropriate word for it.

For the first night, I dream of someone's(a pair actually) death, woke up in grief. It was painful and excruciating, making me realize how important it is to treasure people around me and love them while I still can.

For the second night, I dream of someone's change, and I woke up in fear of what happened. I saw a completely different outlook, style, and vibe, as if it's a stranger in front of me. It's scary and shocking because the person that I am so close with seems like a stranger that I've never knew before. I realize how important to live as who we truly are, to be real and honest to people around us if we want to build a real relationship. We often interact with people with many reserves, and sometimes tend to separate intimacy level with being real. Many times when we experience problems we tend to hide it under cover, showing the "I'll be alright after some time." mask. And after we sort of handled it(emotionally and physically), we share with people that it's all fine now and I've learnt something from it so pray for me and I will be fine. Sometimes we like to take on the "I'm tough"mask such that we don't have to worry about admitting how weak and frightened we really are. Sometimes we put on the "I-am-able-to-handle-all-these-pain-and-pressure." mask, one that allows us to avoid hard questions or share, and just replying with a "It's all in God's hands and all is fine." will do. Don't misunderstand, I am not saying that having faith in God and trusting in Him is wrong, but the question is, is that all real? We are so afraid to show people our weakness, or sometimes we just think that we shall keep it all in us so that we won't vent it on others. However, God gives us companions so that we can find mutual support and encouragement, such that through mutual effort we can form a greater strength. If here we are talking about how we want people in cell group to open up and share more and do away with all the superficial interactions, we have to start sharing life and not sharing problems. Meaning, remove the reservation, remove all that binds you from being your true inner self.

My third night. I dream of myself having cancer and living at the end of my life(on earth). I see how much I can do with what God has given me or equipped me with, yet I don't have the time to make it happen or or fulfill what needs to be done. Full of regrets, I knelt down and cry asking for just a little bit more time such that I can complete the job/race that's burdened upon me. Life is short and time is running, there are things that needs to take priority and I shall live as if it's my last days. There I woke up in sadness and regrets, and there I found motivation and strength.

I don't know why I've write all these. I can sort of foresee people feeling unhappy or disagree, but the truth is I wrote it without any specifics in mind and just hope to share. Though I find the dreams painful, but I'm indeed grateful, for it woke me up from another of itself.

Hot Cold attitude

你知道吗，不冷不热地态度是最伤人的。I don't understand how people can do it, switching between two opposite axis and seem fine about it. I don't understand how people can say one thing yet do the opposite without realizing. When a person are not hot and not cold, everything they do become meaningless, because they are not hot and not cold. There is no point saying about missions and evangelism and connecting when we ourselves have so much reserve. People who are unwilling to share life won't know how to love, because they had never include others in their inner circle. All the shared talk/conversation/time means nothing if it isn't connected in the soul. Sharing happy things or good things are easy, but being friends is not all just about celebrating happiness all the time, that's what an acquaintance do. When things slowly become superficial, it might wither before we realized, that's when people start to part ways.

Just a sharing

I think that discussion is good because they prompt us to think further, deeper, and in multi-perspective, hence allow us to rise to a higher cognitive level of understanding in things. However, sometimes when it reaches a certain point when you realized arguments start repeating and going in a round about, that's where we should stop the discussion because the discussion is no longer constructive and it may even end up getting destructive when people try too hard to prove a point yet stopped listening to each other.

Our intelligence and thoughts are limited and imperfect. I think sometimes it's not always about making a judgement of right and wrong based on our own logic thinking, I believe as we pray about it and when time comes God will give us the wisdom to discern. Rely on Him in all things we do!

Today seems like a quiet day. Everyone is so engrossed in their own conversation and it seems hard to be included. I guess you can easily tell by sms or msn or face to face conversation whether a person is truly interested in conversing with you. Well no matter what, I think we need to grow up and stop complaining cuz the world doesn't just revolve around us, and we have to learn to take on life with a stronger heart, and with God as it's center axis. Hold on to God and listen to God, He is the only one worthy and faithful. Carry faith in Him and we shall live a life fruitful in His eyes.